Happy New Year

Wow. It feels like this year flew by but at the same time it feels like it went soo slow. So much has happened, so many things has changed, people came and left, and just like that its the end of the year.
Happy New year (:

Consequences

Every bad decision we make comes with consequences. So why can't we learn from them sometimes? Whether this be relationship related, friendship, even just some simple things, why is that? Why do we put ourselves in situations where we know we'll lose at the end but still does it? I really want to know why.. So I can stop doing it.

Change

Change. Something not everyone is confortable with. I mean why change when everything is in its rightful place right? Why change when everything we have now is perfectly fine as it is? Some people would always thrive for more while some would be too scared to reach out. Why is that? What stops a person from wanting more? What stops a person from achieving more? Shouldnt we all just focus on wanting more?

Just dropping by

Hello.. again

Its been a while huh? How have you been? How have I been? To be completely honest I cant tell if I am getting better or worse. Yeah I've been enjoying life but now I'm questioning whether this lifestyle is worth keeping or should I start heading to a more stable path. I've been playing around for too long that I think its time for me to get serious again. But then, how do I do that? How do I change the way I am now for the better (if thats what you call it)?
I know that only I control my life, since it is my life after all. Ignoring all the other variables. At the end of the day I decide what happens to me, Right? So I just need to take a deeeeeeeep breath and remain calm. I can do this. I can fix myself without anyone.. hopefully.
Have a nice day~

Hello

Hello, its been a while.
Tbh I don't know what to write here anymore. I made this to motivate myself but even I have a hard time looking for inspirations. Im losing reason to write and so I dont know when the next time ill write again.
I dont even know if anyone opens this anymore. Lol. 

Hope

So while watching tv the other day, a certain quote stood out to me. It was 'We tell ourselves that everything will be alright, not because there's a guarantee it will be, but because we give ourselves hope.' I guess it stuck to me because of how true it was. It will never be certain that everything will be fine the next day, but believing that it could be helps ease our thoughts and not overthink problems and cause more stress. A simple question like 'how are you?' If answered when we are going through tough times, we tend to focus more on what's wrong than what could be changed and fixed. So usually we rant about how everything is going wrong and none of it can be fixed rather than actually dealing with the problem and finding solutions for them. 

It's your story

You make our own happy ending. I mean you are the main character in your own fairy tale. You decide how your story goes, whatever happens in it depends on what you do. 

Though it might seem like you are doing the same thing everyday, looking back it's actually different. You are not the person you were yesterday. So enjoy life :)

I've been MIA

So I haven't been been able to blog recently, not because I've been busy but I just can't seem to be positive recently. I didn't want to just rant all my problems here but instead I want to fill this blog with words to inspire me and hopefully you. So I've been trying to lift myself up and it's working in some ways. 

Hopefully I find inspirations to start writing again. :)

You're not alone

So I just watched the movie 'if I stay' and it's one of those typical romantic love story movies. I'm not one to cry from watching a movie but this was one I was willing to (although I didn't LOL). The movie made me realise that there are more than just your family who are always there for you and who are willing to support you no matter what. Though it may seem like you've lost everyone you love, there are still your friends and other people who are going to be there when you need someone. You may be blinded and think that so little or barely anyone care for you but don't ever forget that there are still friends who care for you even though you guys haven't contacted each other in months or years. So you're never alone. Don't forget that. 

Memories

Certain places, smells, music, photos and even certain actions could bring memories back. These memories could either be fun and exciting or haunting and horrible. They could either be memories you would want or never want to forget but what can you do? What's there is there, no matter how much you want to avoid it, you would always be reminded by these certain things. It's how you interpret these memories in the end that would show who you really are. I mean, you could always try to avoid it or change your views of it and just learn not to make the same mistake twice or let it haunt you and be afraid of it.

Friends

So the other day while I was driving, I heard on the radio that a research was conducted and they found that only 50% of your friends consider or see you as a friend, the rest only see you as a colleague or someone they know. At first I thought 'damn that's bullsh*t, that can't be true' but thinking about it now I actually see the truth behind it. Looking at my circle of friends I only see them as a colleague, while to them, I'm someone they could run to and I guess consider a 'close friend' and vice versa to some of what I consider as 'close friends' who only see me as 'a friend'. But you know what, as much as this saddens me, I do not mind at all. This is the reality. We'll meet people and have people in our life who we might trust more than they trust us, this is 'normal'. We just have to put and invest our time to the people who are worth our time. We might not get it first round but there's always next round and the one after. Life gives us as many chances as possible till we get it right. That's just how it is. So if you end up trusting the wrong person this round, then better luck next time :) 

Thank you

So sad to say good bye to you today.. I really hope you enjoyed your week here as much as I do. It made me realise what I'm missing out on. Hope to see you soon though :) thank you for coming down to spend time with me Bestie ❤️

Battles

Have you ever reach that point where you've been taking so much sh*t in life that you're so immune to the pain? like it doesn't hurt anymore? I like to think 'if it hurts more now, it'll hurt less later' the sooner you suck up the pain the sooner you'll get used to it. Though some won't agree to it, it's my logic I guess and it's what works for me. I get told that I can be heartless at times, that I have no feelings, that I should put others before myself, to stop being selfish.. But am I really being selfish? By putting myself first instead of them and being 'heartless', I'm making them stand up on their own two feet. Teaching them not to depend on anyone with things they could solve and should be solved only by them. Some people get so used to depending on someone else that they end up being the other persons burden, although this doesn't apply to everyone, there are some instances where this is the case. And they don't get that because they're so focused on themselves that they forget that the person they're depending on has their own battle to face with no one to depend on but themselves. 

Just think

Sometimes it bothers me how some people don't get the fact that you don't have to be in constant contact with a certain person to know that they're your friend. As much as it sounds reassuring to constantly have someone to talk to, I really don't see the need to force yourself to constantly interact with people as a way to 'prove' your friendship with them,  actually I find it annoying. Especially when they're practically just forcing themselves to think of conversations that aren't going anywhere, just to have that sense of comfort that they are important to you.. I mean yes I'm only one message away to help you with your problems but that doesn't mean you have to dump all your problems on to me especially when some of these are only you can solve or there really isn't anything to fix. 

Be careful of what you say

I grew up with my parents telling me that if I have nothing nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all. But it seems to me that these days it doesn't apply at all. Words can cause so much damage physically and mentally to a person with a  strong heart, imagine someone with a weak heart then. Though saying something is so easy to let out it is extremely hard to take back, only because it can't. Once it's done it's done.. Can't be reversed.. Can't be erased. So be careful with your words because one wrong move and you could shatter a fragile heart into pieces with no intention of doing so. 

(I had a small cut in my gums hence the bleeding but it has stopped and is in process of healing)

Walls

We all have secrets that we try our best to hide, secrets that we know are better hidden and unspoken off.. So what do you do when someone comes and tries to break all the walls you put up? With a goal to find out what's hidden right in the middle of all these walls, to find out the deepest secrets you try to hide. What would your next move be? 

Cage

Parents will do anything to protect their children, right? Making sure nothing bad will happen to them and ensuring that they're always safe. But at what point does this stop applying? Where do we draw the line? When do they need to realise that we need to make mistakes to learn on our own? What does it take for them to realise that the bird they once took in to care for needs to be free from their cage to learn, explore and be themselves..? Hmm..

Once they come off

Most of us have a mask that we use to hide how we truly feel. It's like a mask to show we’re alright even though we're not but not wanting anyone to worry about you. Most of our answers to “how are you?” Would be a “I’m fine :) ” but how often do we really mean it? Not that often right? Even so, we tend to put others before ourselves that we just end up overusing that mask to the point that it breaks because it's been so overused, has been through a lot and it's probably soaking wet from the inside with all those hidden emotions behind it. Imagine having to wear one every single day pretending you're happy, everything is in place and perfect when really everything is falling apart and nothing was ever in the right place. Once that mask comes off.. What should you do? Wear a new one? Or show who you really are..?

Always look within

I'm never really a fan of people who are quick to jump to conclusions, then again who is? Some people just don't understand all the background work that's happening and the effort put in to produce the perfect show for them. They sometimes forget that it's not that simple, that life is not that simple. It just puzzles me sometimes as to what's going through those peoples mind and what makes them think that everything is so perfectly simple.. A good example that I could think of is how people think that people with depression should just 'be happy, go out more and be active' they make it sound so simple that they forget that depression is having to constantly fight with yourself because you are in a state where you feel like everyone is better off without you, that they don't need you, that they're just using you.. I mean I could go on but the list is too long for me to write one by one. So just remember that sometimes, the way we think about a person isn't they way they actually are, that looks can be deceiving. 

Plans

Sorry if I haven't posted in a while. I've just been occupied with placement that I haven't really had time to sat down and let my mind wonder off with thoughts (which is good in a way LOL). But these past two weeks I learned more about decisions for my future, I learned that the path I'm on isn't for me and that this path isn't what I want for my future self. Maybe it's because I'm still considered young, that its not too late for me to change course anyway but I saw the reality and it's not a job I see that is worth of keeping. 

It's all connected

Everything is always somehow related to each other. Even when you think it's not, they would somehow relate to something bigger. Just like how twigs are connected to branches which are connected to a trunk. But what would you do if you were to chop the branch off? Does that mean you've just chopped off a chunk of your problems? But by doing that you're practically damaging yourself right? So what would your next move be then? To leave it and let it grow?

Opportunities

Ever want something but can't have? I'm sure we've all experienced this, but what can you do? Would you pursue it or give up? Would you find ways to get it or just look the other way? It'll all depend on how much we want to get it right? how much it's worth to us? Knowing that we're all different and all have different views in life, something you 'must' have might be someone else's 'could' have. So I guess you could say that since we have different wants and likes, we would miss out on opportunities that other people are willing to take. Opportunities that could benefit us just as much as it benefits them. 

Doors

Starting a new chapter in life. It's pretty scary isn't it? Not knowing what's ahead and not having a single clue, I know I'll be scared because I like to have a rough idea as to what's coming. I'm scared of not knowing, scared of the dark, scared of the unknown.. But some doors are there to be open and rooms needs to be explored, that's why they're there. Plus wouldn't you be curious to see and find out what's in there or where it could take you? 

Ups and downs

Just like Melbournes unpredictable 4-seasons-in-a-day weather experience, we go through an exciting and unexpected emotional roller coaster ride. We get to experience disappointment, gloominess, distressing, excitement, joyful and fortunate events, might not be all in one day but we do experience it. And we can't avoid the little bumps in life, we can't just always be experiencing the thrill in life and we do have to start at the bottom to make our way back up again. So this is just a friendly reminder that you won't always be at the top because you do have to go back down, and you won't always be at the bottom because amazing things can happen or you can make them yourself. :)

Middle child

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation and our topic was siblings and if it was hard being a middle child. I was asked to describe how it was like being a middle child and I said it was unfair and tough. 

To be honest being a middle child is just as challenging as being the first child. The first child gets to experience all the first. But since all the first are done the middle child now has a higher expectation than the first child, only because our parents learn from mistakes. Therefore being the middle child, you are then forced to being the 'perfect child' and I'm not saying this is applicable to all the cases but you have to admit it is quite true. There are a higher pressure put on you since the first child has failed to do a certain expectation they had and you are expected not to make the same mistake because they have guided you better than the first child. Then again this is just how I see it since I am a middle child. 

Expectations or happiness

Expectations or Happiness? There are some points in life where you have to choose between these two. Whether it'll be for your friends, parents or partners, at one point we'll all have to choose between those two. And depending on the circumstances I'm just going to assume that most of you will pick expectations right? I mean putting someone else's happiness over yours seems like the right thing to do. But when you do pick happiness over expectation, seeing the disappointed faces of your loved ones what can do you do? Do you put your happiness aside or do you still persue it? 

Always have your back

No matter how alone you might feel, just remember that there will always be someone there who will support you. You might not get this from your parents but your friend or partner will always have your back. Not everyone will agree to your opinion and decision and you have to accept that since no one is perfect, we make mistakes and learn something from it. That's why sometimes it's best to make the mistake early and learn from it than not making any and feeling completely lost later on.. But it's fine because we can only control so much in our life and some are unavoidable. Just remember that you are never truly alone, even when you think you are. Your friends are one text or call away, just don't hesitate or think twice because they will always have your back. 

Might as well give your important friend a yellow rose which symbolizes friendship, joy and caring. :P

Gamble

This is a gambling game I played while I was in the Philippines. The way the game works is you place money in a colour you think the soccer ball would land on, there's no guarantee or any type of pattern as to where the ball will go since you'll be the one throwing it. So in your hands, you practically hold a one in a twelve chance of landing it to the colour of your choice (assuming that you only bet on one colour). My point is, in life you'll make decisions and plently of them. Some will have guarantees while some you'll just have to bet and rely on your luck. But whatever happens, happens. Whether it'll ended up being a win or lose we just have to accept it and be happy that we won or better luck next time and hopefully learn something from it. I know I learned something for sure, that is I have no luck in any of these games LOL. 

You deserve it

Every once in a while we should just reward ourselves a break. A small break from whatever has been holding us back, whether it'll be a day or two of a quick escape to a mini paradise. We all deserve a break from life and whether we admit this or not it's true. I mean, we're only human and we can only take so much before we reach our breaking point. So whether it'll be a quick trip to the beach or catching up with some mates, go and reward yourself because you deserve it. :)

Not everything is wrong

When our mind is occupated with I guess you could say 'unwanted' thoughts. We just need to take a deep breath, step back and look at the bigger picture. Remind ourself that not everything is going downhill. Because trust me as much as you think that everything is just going wrong with you and your life. There will always be something right, it might not be as big as the problem you're facing but there will always be something and if you add all these small and simple 'right' things it could and/or would make you feel more proud and lift up your mood as a person. So just don't forget that because I know I do. 

Never judge

My parents always reminded me to be thankful of what I have because there are PLENTLY of other people who'll rather have the life I have now than theirs. As much as that is true. You can never measure how much a person can go through in life just by wealth. Yeah a typical mind set of someone who's struggling when they see someone who is in a much 'happier' and I guess 'money isn't the issue' life is that they're living life the fullest with no worries.. But that's when they're wrong. Because we will all go through hardships. We will all face a problem well have to solve, a wall to climb over. Just because you see a person smiling doesn't mean that they don't cry themselves to sleep. 'Never judge a book by its cover' because the real story is within.. 

Just a friendly reminder. 

Never be too scared

Sometimes in life you just got to take a risk and make a turn into a road or a street you're not used to. Whether it'll make it quicker or take longer to get to the place you want to get to, it's worth finding out, right? I mean yeah it's all fun and I guess you'll feel much safer being on the same road you're used to but wouldn't you get curious whether they'll be other ways to get there? A back up plan? Whether it'll be a shortcut or a long cut you wouldn't know unless you try right? But then again.. What if it's just a no through road? A dead end..? Does that mean you should just stop there? Of course not. 

Never be afraid to try something new because you'll never know what you could discover. 

Slow down

Sometimes don't you just feel that life is just going to fast for you? Like days feels like they're being fast forwarded to a day you dread to come? Wishing it'll slow down and 'take its time', even though you know well enough that time actually runs the same pace for everyone every time. That it's all just a feeling you get. 

Restart

Sometimes I wish I could just ended up in an unknown place. With no one knowing who I am, with no responsibility, no one having any expectations for me, no problems. Wouldn't that be just.. Amazing? It's like restarting who you are. A restart in life. Forgetting all your past mistake and having absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. Too bad it doesn't happen though..

Before it's too late

A small fire if left alone can burn a whole building. A small hole of not stitched together can get bigger. A small tear on the paper can create a bigger tear. My point is things shouldn't be left alone to be fixed later. If it's possible to be confronted then and there, then you should take the chance and do it. Leaving it for later on will only make it harder for yourself. No matter how hard and scary it is, you shouldn't back out. Especially because you're doing yourself and other people a favor, so you shouldn't feel bad at all. Instead be proud of what you did because you've done the right thing. You've prevented a future problem for yourself. Saved yourself some trouble. 

Time

Don't you just wish you could control time? Play, pause, fast forward and rewind life. How good would that be? For me that's one of the most powerful thing we should never get our hands on. Imagine how much we would over use it. The greed and selfishness would come out no matter how much we think we know a person, we all have it in us. But I do wish, that even once, we could choose to redo something in life. Just once. No more no less. 

Past and present

I always hear my parents say 'you're only on your way there while I'm on my way back' it practically means while we're learning to do something, they've already learned it. So this is why I sometimes don't take my parents advice. Because things change, we don't do the same practice we did 5-10 years ago. And because our parents learned it their way they aren't up to date with how things are done now. They're 'old school' I guess :P

Find the positive

Sometimes it's hard to find the positive in life, especially when all you've been dealing with recently are all negative things. But what can you do.. Life isn't made to be easy. It's meant to challenge you and to put you through series of endless test to make sure you learn and extend your knowledge, since we do learn from our mistakes. So despite dealing with all these negative things, always make sure to remind yourself that it won't always be rough road and that it'll always get better one way or another. 

Thank you

Thank you. Thank you for being in my life. I really am glad I met all of you guys and not even once did I regret any of it. Thanks for putting up with me haha I'm a handful but you guys still managed to put up with my crazy personality lol. Thanks for spoiling me on my birthday. I couldn't have asked for more. ❤️

They come and go

Waves comes and go. Just like the people we have in our lives. There's no guanratee that they'll stay and you can't force them to stay either. But what can you do. Nothing but accept it right? No matter how much you want them to stay, if they want to go then they will. But the good thing about waves are they will always be there. That doesn't mean that they'll bring the same people back but they will always bring someone back with them for you. Although there's no guanratee that the new ones will stay but at least you know you will never be truly alone unless you turn your back on them. 

Starting over again

To some people, starting over again just seems to be the only answer. I mean it's a fresh start yeah? Nothing to fix. Standing at the starting point. But knowing that you've come so far, although it's been rough and tough path, you've come a long way. So are you willing to ignore all that just so you could go to a much smoother road and start again? Which one would you choose? Knowing that there's no guanratee that the path you're into now is going to get smoother or the new path with always stay smooth. 

Decisions

Parents are the ones who taught us what's right and what's wrong, right? They helped us get to where we are right now and help us decide what we could and/or want to be. So when we go against our parents decision, does that mean we have learned enough to stand up on our own without their help or we are just doing this to go against from what they want us to be? 

Something new

Scary or exciting? I can't decide whether trying something new is scary or exciting. I guess it's both. Scary since you don't know what could happen next but that's also that's the fun of it. I guess that's why I'm never too scared to walk around and wonder off on my own (unless it's night time of course) because it's a new adventure, new place to explore. Something unexpected could and might happen.

'The more something scares you, the more you should probably do it' it makes sense right? Trying to face what scares you and that feeling of accomplishment once you've done it. It's rewarding. 

The future holds

Future hold no assurance. Anything is possible. We won't know what could happen in the next hour, day, month and definitely what a year from now could bring us. So why do we plan ahead? Would you call it a short term goal or us choosing a path without considering other possibilities? Would that mean well be missing out or its for the better?

Just like a blue rose. Life sure is full of mystery. 

Time flies

Isn't it crazy how this time last year you're in a COMPLETELY different type of situation. Almost like a different life with a different you surrounded by different people. Would you wish to be standing where you were a year ago or be where you are right now? 

Isnt it crazy?!

Isn't it crazy that a place you once enjoyed going to and spending nearly every single day of the week somehow just drags your mood down? Only because going there now you don't feel that same joy and excitement anymore, only the past. It doesn't seem as lively as it was before. The people there that you used to say hi to and actually enjoy seeing, you now avoid and as much as possible try not to see them or let them see you.

Just a thought

 Today I was asked and also asked series of questions that would make you question which one is more important to you. One of them was ‘What is more difficult for you, looking into someone eyes when you’re telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone eyes when they are telling you how they feel?’ I answered looking into the person’s eyes when they’re telling me how they feel. I mean there’s no right or wrong answer here purely because we all have different views and different valid arguments and past experiences to support our decision. But now it just makes me question, if you don’t see them more than a friend, will you be courageous enough to break their heart there and then or are you going to wait later on telling them that you’ll ‘think about it’ then break it later on? Which one would hurt more? Which path would you choose? 

I wonder..

Sometimes I wonder how different it’ll be if we actually do live near each other, went to the same school, in the same grade… I wonder how close we would all be or how would we treat each other… I also wonder how different would I be around you guys or would I be exactly the same… and would I have the same problem or it’ll be much smoother than what it is now?

These things just make me wonder how my life would turn out if you guys were here and grew up with me… 

Thank you

The past three days have been too good to be true. It made me forget all my worries and problems. I would really wish things like this are an everyday thing… that they won’t end… but its time to face reality again. Back to the same boring life

Thank you for the precious memories J

Holiday

Only a few days till we go back to reality… as much as I want to stay here and be lazy all day not worrying about work or class I know that nothing good will come out from it… sighs I will definitely miss the people and food here. As well as the weather LOL it’s not as moody as Melbourne but at the same time I do miss Melbourne, fast internet and the people there.